I was in Cusco recently for a Tinder date and it got me thinkingâŚ
Dating is ALL about safety, kisses and inflatable butt plugs đ
With kisses, itâs obvious.
Whether we like a little tongue or not, we all want to kiss and be kissed.
Then thereâs inflatable butt plugs.
Admittedly, theyâre not everyoneâs cup of teaâŚ
Some people donât even know what theyâre for (I overhead a conversation recently where an old lady said inflatable butt plugs are for preventing farts during sex đ¤ˇââď¸)âŚ
âŚbut that doesnât mean that some people donât love them.
Inflatable butt plugs could also be a symbol of sexual pleasure, and as we all know, most people want a bit of that in their lives.
Finally, thereâs the little-known linchpin of dating:
Safety.
I would go so far as to say that dating is ALL about safety.
For example, if you donât feel safe with someone, thereâs no way youâll let them kiss you or stick an inflatable butt plug in your ass.
Safety first â ď¸
On the other hand, if you feel completely safe with someone – such as a long-term partner – you might be fine to skip the small talk and go straight to the kissing and inflatable butt plug shenanigans.
See what I mean?
Safety is the real foundation of dating and relationships.
If you really think about it, all the various mating and courting rituals that humans have are about establishing safety.
For example, the only reason you donât immediately start kissing some new hot person on the street or in the mall is because itâs not safe.
You donât know if they like you⌠or if theyâre dangerous⌠or if they crack too many Dad jokes⌠or if they smell like 3-day old rotten fish.
In other wordsâŚ
You donât feel safe.
Not yet anyway.
Thatâs why we need to talk to someone before we kiss them for the first time. We need to get to know them.
Itâs all basically an elaborate ritual of safety.
Interesting, right?
Iâd take it even further:
Safety is the foundation of EVERYTHING in our lives… not just dating, sex and inflatable butt plugs.
Think about it.
If you donât feel safe, do you think youâll be able to focus on your work?
Hell no.
Youâll be busy scanning for potential threats in your environment⌠even if only subconsciously. All the energy that you couldâve spent on getting shit done goes to making sure you donât die.
What about your relationships? Will you be a better friend, father, mother, son or daughter if you feel unsafe?
Again, HELL NO.
Youâll be too busy scanning for threats and protecting yourself. Youâll be more likely to lash out and say things you donât really mean – all because it makes you feel a little bit safer – even if it means damaging the relationship.
Or think about what happens when you buy something from someone.
You might check the reviews to see if the company is trustworthy or ask your friends for a referral, all to find out if itâs safe to buy the thing from the company.
Getting in your own way? Imposter syndrome? Self-sabotaging?
Itâs because success and failure make you feel unsafe. What will people say if you fail? What about if you succeed?
In other wordsâŚ
SAFETY.
See?
Everything is about safety.
EVERYTHING đ¤
So –
The big, fat, definitely not Greek question, is:
If safety is the foundation of everything in our lives, why does no one talk about it?
Meditation.
Gratitude lists.
Journalling.
Self-help books, courses and conferences.
Talk therapy.
Life coaching.
Breathwork.
All the other random shit people do.
Does ANY of it talk about safety in the nervous system?
No.
Itâs about calming down, taking a deep breath, writing about your problems, emptying your mind and playing with inflatable butt plugs.
That’s why most self-help strategies don’t work. They don’t deal with the root issue: a lack of safety in the nervous system.
Thatâs where Rageheart comes in.
Rageheart is a step-by-step action guide to your nervous system.
It includes detailed instructions for cultivating a deep and profound sense of safety throughout your entire nervous system⌠along with a whole suite of tools for regulating your stress response and getting out of your head and into your body.
In more simple terms:
If your nervous system was a car, Rageheart contains the professional âdrivingâ lessons you need (and that no one else teaches).
And guess what?
For the first time in a month, itâs OPEN to new customers!
Restore safety to your nervous system here (and watch as your life changes):
âhttps://www.rageheart.co/app/â
Cheers,
John Wood