Lettuce tell you a story

John Wood, Founder of Rageheart

by John Wood

After my walk this morning, I found a ginormous pile of lettuce leaves in the kitchen. They were picked, washed and they were now drying on a big tray.

When Adyashatmypants saw me looking at it, she told me Sean brought it back from Chase’s after BJJ this morning.

(Chase and Anna have an awesome vegetable garden beside the maloca where we drink San Pedro and choke each other unconscious.)

According to Adyashatmypants, when Sean came in after BJJ, he was shocked to discover that neither Adyashatmypants nor I ate lettuce.

What a waste of a vegetable.

“WHAT!???!????? YOU DON’T EAT LETTUCE!???!?????”, he shouted at the top of his lungs before throwing a turquoise plate at the wall so hard that the wall shattered instead of the plate.

“Exactly Sean”, Adyashatmypants replied with guru-level serenity, apparently unaffected by Sean’s lettuce tantrum. “To us, it’s a nothing vegetable. No calories, no taste and absolutely no idea how to dance salsa. We probably burn more calories chewing it than it contains.”

“WHAT THE F*#K!@#!@$%!!!!!!!!!!!!”, Sean screamed while banging his head against the wall. He stared at Ellie with eyes wide and mouth open before shaking his head and stomping off to his office to do some work (probably while munching on some o’ that tasty lettuce).

Kinda reminds me of the self-help industry 🤷‍♂️

Cheap as chips meditation apps.

$49 Moleskine journals.

Airy-fairy gratitude lists.

Calm, unemotional, dispassionate Stoicism.

Books and courses that promise 7 EASY STEPS TO FAST, RAPID SUCCESS 🥳

Very few calories or nutrients. No taste. And absolutely no style when it comes to salsa dancing (or anything really).

I’m not saying these things don’t work.

They work… kinda like how lettuce works:

If you eat enough of them for a long enough period of time (probably decades), you might get somewhere.

But wouldn’t eat be more efficient to simply “eat” something more nutritious?

Then you’d sort yourself out in less time than it takes to say “lettuce be awesome”.

That’s where Rageheart comes in.

If most self-help tools are like lettuce, Rageheart is a perfectly cooked juicy Rib Eye steak (or for the herbivores among us, a $14 green smoothie packed with superfoods).

Rageheart is filled with nutrients. It tastes great. And it has MAD salsa skills (you shoulda seen it on NYE when Rageheart took Scarlett Johansson for a spin on the dance floor… woah 😱).

Anyway, if you’re sick of eating lettuce all the freaking time, come get some steak and a green smoothie when Rageheart opens on January 19.

You can even pour the green smoothie onto your steak… though I wouldn’t recommend it (speaking from experience 🤦‍♂️).

Already a member and feeling that beastly impulse (Rage 9)? Hit the “Sign In” link on the page below and get after it:



John Wood

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